Saturday, March 13, 2010

Not quite finished

Well, sometimes you have to unload again and this is a good a place as any. I am tired of dumping stuff like this directly on friends.

I had a terrifying moment, actually almost an hour, today. First, everything is now under control. My partner has a sinus infection and was taking a new antibiotic. Well, it apparently disagreed with her. Symptoms were elevated heart rate, heart pounding, dizziness, etc. The classic drug reaction signs. Unfortunately I am abroad right now. She called early her time and I talked to her, finally convinced her to call 911 as I was not there to drive and she was not fit to drive.

At this point I am concerned, but OK. We have a plan, things will be fine. I believed we had worked it out that she would get dressed, call 911, then call me and I could wait with her. Apparently she did not catch the last bit - her understanding is that she would all from the hospital or after the EMS techs saw her. So, I waited. No call. Messaged her phone. No reply. Called house multiple times - no answer. Same with cell phone. Finally, and in a bit of a panic, I called emergency services myself and had them on the way when she called me to say she was at the emergency room and OK. I called emergency services back and got that stopped and then called her back and chatted.

It was a bad reaction to the drug. She had a full battery of tests and is now home and comfortable. Not well, but in no real danger. Needless to say, that antibiotic is now in the trash.

The last time I called home and no one answered it was a death by suicide. Yeah, so I panicked a bit. I had images of her on the floor, unconscious, possibly dead. I realize now it was less than an hour of time. However, it was an endless time span of being helpless and reliving my last wife’s suicide. My partner knew I would be upset in any case. She was also apologetic for not understanding. I did my best to tell her not to worry, not her fault. It was not her fault, she was scared.

Two things: Not over the terror of Cyndie’s suicide yet; and I still need to write here at times. I do know one other thing. Well, I think I know. I cannot face the death of my partner, my love, again any time soon. I hate to think it, but had she been dead I truly how no idea how I could go on - or even why I would bother. I need to work on that last bit.