Tears have been cried and deep thoughts have been thought. Being more sensitive was a nice experiment, but ultimately it does not seem to be me nor am I good at it. It has been a long, strange trip, but there is so much more of the journey ahead.
I am in working order, not fixed, but working. I love those to whom I am close. Love some friends and am loved. I will never be healed, too many wounds and many of them too close. PTSD was an issue before three deaths in three years. Now? I cannot imagine they have made me better, just better able to endure.
Maybe I will write more someday. I will probably save this for the granddaughters so they can understand some of what we endured, some of the reasons for what we are. Hell, I may find I need to write more tomorrow. For now, time to shut this down.
To anyone who read it, thanks for that and hope it helped if you needed help. It was never really for anyone else, just for me. Knowing it was open helped, I am not ashamed of any of the thoughts or feelings I have had.
Jeffrey
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